Writerland is a newsletter from The Delacorte Review whose mission is to help writers tell the stories they need to tell.
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Recently, for the first time in my life, I interviewed candidates for a job - a full-time, journalism job no less. I was on a panel with someone else, but still, for once I was asking the questions, not the other way around. You have to celebrate the small victories, and for me, this was one.
The experience reminded me of how much I hate job interviews. I’ve never been excited for one. I am always too nervous, always the fidgety mess with sweaty palms, always turning a deep shade of red when asked questions I don’t really know how to answer. I’m sure if I was able to play back the tape of any job interview I’ve had, there would be too many “ums” and “uhs.” A job interview feels like a performance and I hate performing. I always feel this pressure to be someone I’m not: to embody the perfect prospective employee who knows everything needed to perform the job flawlessly.
Being on the other side of things made me realize that interviewers know perfection is unattainable and that rehearsed perfection comes across as just that – a performance. But finding the perfect mix of strength and vulnerability is tough. And while I’ve been interviewing for jobs in journalism for a decade now, I still haven’t cracked the code.
Interviews, especially these days, are different. The pandemic has changed the way we interact with each other and now there is usually this added layer of strange, distant intimacy because you are letting people into your home virtually when you meet them for the first time in a Zoom interview.
For the job I have now, I had a couple rounds of interviews that culminated with four hours of back-to-back panel interviews. The wifi in my apartment was going in and out and the heat wasn’t working so we had people stomping around trying to fix it. I took the interviews in my bedroom on my phone. I was half present, half somewhere else, anxiously dreading the moment when the sounds outside my room grew too loud or my data stopped working.
I got the job so I must have done something right, but truthfully, it’s very hard for me to remember the details of what happened during those interviews. Even immediately after, I couldn’t remember much except all the things I wished I had said. The feeling I have after any job interview is always close to a partial blackout. I try to piece together everything that happened but there will always be gaps.
Every time, I tell myself that if I had a chance to do a job interview over, I could do it so much better. But I’ve had so many interviews over the years and I don’t think I’ve ever been able to up my game massively. You prepare, prepare, prepare but at the end of the day you can never be so prepared that you’re able to perfectly answer questions you didn’t know you’d be asked by someone you’ve most likely never met.
Journalism job interviews, in my experience, have been especially challenging and scary. The stakes feel so high when there aren’t enough jobs to go around. And you are likely competing against many highly educated, overqualified candidates with intimidating resumes. The results can be confusing too. I’ve had interviews that I thought went well but resulted in getting ghosted and interviews that I thought I bombed where I made it to another round. The ghosting is hard, especially when you are asked to do so much unpaid work simply to have a shot at an interview. There are edit tests and pitch samples and questionnaires that take hours to complete. When the result is silence, it’s hard not to take it personally.
These days, even getting a job offer doesn’t mean you can relax. Salaries in journalism are often a joke. There will always be exceptions but the pay can be abysmal, especially if you are entry-level and want to write. This is a problem I don’t have a solution to. But something needs to change, because the salary issue shuts so many talented people out of journalism, especially people of color. And that’s a damn shame.
When I look back on the internships and jobs in journalism I’ve had, it’s hard to find examples of gigs that were both rewarding and well paid. A fellowship at Columbia Journalism School with this publication and doing Covid data tracking at the NY Times are notable exceptions. Most were unpaid internships supported by money I made working at the Sarah Lawrence post office during the school year. And there’s no way I would have been able to take them on had I not grown up in New York City and been able to stay with my parents while I worked for free.
Becoming a journalist in this kind of reality makes it difficult to know your worth. There’s this mindset that you have to suffer until you make it. But a lot of people who take on low paying jobs do so because they can afford to and that makes for a really uneven playing field. There are so many jobs I’ve taken, especially during the pandemic, that I wish I had negotiated better or simply said no to. But then again, it was impossible for me to turn down any sliver of money at the height of a global pandemic when so many people were out of a job. The ugly truth however, is that I don’t think I’ve ever made as much money as I did when I was collecting unemployment.
I’m now in my late twenties and I still do not know enough about negotiating a salary or advocating for myself. As a woman, as a Latina, I know there are times when I’m not getting a good deal but I also suffer from imposter syndrome because I am who I am and I get meek and remind myself to feel grateful for even getting a seat at the table. In interviews, I’ve always worn my hair straight, made sure to take up as little space as possible and tried my best to not come across as cocky. I’ve been so eager to please and happy to accommodate that I forget I myself am an asset. I am talented and hardworking and curious.
An interview, at the end of the day, is for you too, not just for the person who might offer you a job. It’s for you to decide if you even want to work with them, if you want to do the job they’re offering, if it’s worth your time and energy, if it will challenge you and help you grow. I really hope I’m able to remember that the next time I find myself in search of a job.
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Nothing good ever came from writers punishing themselves. We know writing is hard. We’re here to show that it doesn’t have to be torture. Writerland, The Delacorte Review Newsletter comes out every other week. Subscribe to get full access to the newsletter and website. Never miss an update.
Chapter 72: Through the Interview Looking Glass
I understand that the interview process is a necessary tool to separate the wheat from the chaff, but it's a blunt instrument. Interviewing well doesn't mean you can do the job well. It just means you interview well. More often than not, it's a totally different skill set. Employers are limiting candidates with relevant skills by over-indexing on a measure that often has little bearing on their work potential.
This reminds me of brainstorming sessions at work. They can be helpful, but certain people thrive in that setting whereas others do not. If the goal is to harvest the best ideas, companies should cater to different personality types. The same can be said about candidate searches.
Thanks for sharing, Natasha.
Wow I recognize this battle- you could insert "acting" into the journalism slot, and it would be a near perfect fit.
Arts in general, (and I see journalism as an art- a craft to master) are not honored in our culture. We reward the hustle, the shiny doo dad, but paying a living wage to someone who continually perfects their craft... spotty at best.
Where can we start to unpick the knot?